And that's how it has been, I have been all over the road, trying to go straight, but my life has been like I have dull skate's on.
The last six month's have been trying to say the least, and I don't want to go into the boohoo stage with detail's(water under the bridge) however the fragile part of life has been impressed upon me here lately, many of you heard I lost my best friend of childhood, we were the same age, and he is gone to be with his maker.
Death come's to everyone eventually and I have faced death three or four time's, when it come's there is nothing I can do to prolong my life. I don't want to spend any more time on the thought of death, however, I have been looking at how I "live" my life, that is the part that really count's. I have often thought, that I have actually had a fairly fullfilling life, what I have been thinking the past couple of week's is that I have lived it mostly "my way".
I have been down the path of "what is MY purpose" in life before, I have also gone on from that question and tried to find out on my own, and in my own way. It didn't work for me and I almost took my own life trying to figure it all out, See I was looking with my back turned on God.
The out come would have been more beneficial to me, had I not turned my back on God, but rather held out my hand and surrendered my heart, it's called dangerous surrender, it's scary to let go of the control's and trust the auto pilot button, to sit with your arm's folded and watch and wait, especially when your taking of from the runway, and even harder when you come in for your final approch to land that plane, you want control with your hands firmly gripping the steering control of that plane, for you know full well that if you let go, your going to crash.
My niece, Krissy was in a coma recently and there are going to be day's that are missing from her memory, and somehow I have felt like that, there have been season's missing from my life, because I had turned my back on God, The evil one took advantage of me in my weakness and stole some of those season's, and he left me nothing but heart ache, emptyness and without purpose, not only that but he came back and tricked me over and over again.
I want those season's back you thief! and futhermore I have turned back to your creator, my creator! And the best part is(and let me rub your nose in it!) It's too late for you, and your not my friend. But not for me, you loose, I win!!!!!!! Our Creator will FORGIVE ME!!!!!! But it's over for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the four season's we live with, there is completeness each season, one bring's on another and they flow together giving the earth life, I left out some of the meaningful part's of my life, thus, my life was not complete, I turned from my way's because of that and turn back to The Giver of Life and want to walk in His season's once again, Will You hold me tight and not let me wander, amen.