Saturday, January 17, 2009

I at one time became tired of living, the struggle, always fighting to exist, it seems I always had to prove myself to someone somewhere, not sometime but it seemed all the time. I thought I knew who I was and tried to be my own man, forgetting that peer pressure had a hold an me too, this peer pressure is not selective it affects us all, and I was involved in it still, it didn't go away after adolescence. So in sorting all that out and, I began the fight to gain my life back, the accuser had taken some of my life and crushed me to the point that I wanted to end my life. While I stood in my niece's ICU room, I saw her fighting for breath, I saw pain, and I saw her laying there in a coma, yet she just wanted to have that chance to get her life back, at this point everything in this life come's into a perspective I haven't looked at in quite some time, I don't think Krissy was woried about her checking account, probably wasn't concerned about her truck being in a mangled heep. To me this is a quandry state, in one sence she is at peace, nothing matters, and we would like to have that same kind of peace, without the hassles of life,but yet to be alive, on the other hand She wants to be alive and would be able to handle all the hassles, oh how do we become like her and yet live. Yes there is an answer, surrender, like dangerous surrender, This has been difficult for me to do and so Krissy has a better chance of surviving than I do in her present state. So God please continue to do your thing with Krissy, and if You would, eek a little my way, not to take any away from Krissy though. thanks Kenneth

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